a new name

*originally written for a teen audience. thoughts on beauty. and self-acceptance.

i remember what it felt like to be thirteen, fourteen, then fifteen.  the specifics might be a bit hazy, but the feelings i remember quite well.

i remember the first time i let a boy hold my hand and he said, “you have big hands.” {it took five more years before i let a boy grown man hold my hand}.

i remember feeling so very, very tall. . . at five feet, eight inches high.

i’m sure my feet were bigger than most.

do you know how hard it feels to hide in a small school?

it doesn't really matter if you’re good at sports and everyone wants you to play on the team and they cheer because you help them win. . . . when you just want to be short and petite and do the cheers yourself.

and the boy you like says you’re too tall for him.

when you’re blonde and blue-eyed. . . and then those eyes start to turn green. but at the time blue's your favorite color. and the least one is green.

you’re the nice girl that everyone likes.  except for those that think you’re a snob because you’re a bit on the shy side. i hated quiet. and i craved quiet.

and there were days that losing myself in the quiet was the only way to be found.

sometimes? if i'm totally honest. . .

i still feel fourteen.


but then i remember.

that God—He changed my name.

He gave me new names for all of the ones that didn't fit.

hands to span the octaves in praise.

feet to walk the corridors in steady service.

height that has allowed me to carry my babies well, reach shelves for the elderly women in the grocery stores, and turn from the t-shirts that proclaim the message "fun size" in relief. . .{smiles, my short friends}

quiet became the ability to listen and observe.

ashamed is now forgiven.

broken became healed.

never quite “fitting” in my skin led to an acceptance of how we are all different, all unique.  just the way He intended.

no matter the old name, He has given me a new one.  He takes what is old, transforms it, makes it into something reflective of Him.  He doesn't obliterate the old self, but rather takes who i am and makes me more into Who He is.

never doubt you are loved, dear ones.  never let the lies of Satan, the world around you, or the voice in your own head tell you any differently.  He loves you with an everlasting love.  that’s it.  it never, ever ends.  and He has given you a new name because of it.

He makes beautiful things out of us.


sharing with the communities at jen's and emily's